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motherhood & grief • a mirror

The space in which you exist that is your life- after-giving-birth, I've learned, is really a lot like living in grief. But no one tells you that. Maybe most don't even see it. Or maybe it just sounds ungrateful or sad, or too confusing to say out loud. I don't mean that it is like grief in the way that we feel, but rather it mirrors grief in the way other people treat us, as mothers to infants. 
Have you ever experienced a great loss, and notice that people give you a sort of "deadline" to get back to your old self? Maybe they apologize for your loss, come around a bunch at first, check in on you and show you support. Even judge you, perhaps, if you don't seem sad enough. You're supposed to be sad, and you are. And the social norm of expectation is right where's its supposed to be (insert: sarcasm). 
But after a short time, they expect you to move on, to be the same person you always were, and maybe not talk about the loss anymore or express emotion abo…
Recent posts

Looking For Accountability?

The 3dots - Fitness App!  How many times have you set a goal for yourself only to find that within a few days or weeks you've all of a sudden found yourself faltering? Sometimes the hardest part of reaching your fitness and health goals is just finding a way to keep yourself accountable. When we are held accountable, our goals stay in the front of our minds instead of getting buried by other thoughts, responsibilities, and stresses.  I've learned this the hard way by trial and error, trying different goals, methods to reach them, and varying levels of intensity. But- I've always been most successful when I have someone or something to interact with, give me new ideas, and keep me on track.  This is why everyone who wants extra motivation, accountability, and fun loves the 3dots - Fitness app!  So how does the app work? There are challenges to choose from each day related to healthy food, exercise, and mindset. Once you choose a challenge, you have 24 hours to complete it. 
For …

Are You Doing This for Looks?

Most of the information I see related to diet and fitness has a major focus on  physical appearance changes... "30 days to abs," "10 day shred," "lose 7 pounds in 7 days," and so on. And it makes sense... that is what catches people's eyes and is "sexy" in the media and marketing world. 
But THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO IT THAN THAT! 
Often times we feel tired, foggy, achy, or just have an overall "heavy" feeling. We may even feel anxious or depressed. It has largely been accepted in mainstream society that all of these feelings are  normal or just part of what comes along with the daily grind. 
While your feelings may partially have to do with life in general (i.e. a stressful job, home life, medical history), the food you eat and the amount of exercise you perform can play a HUGE role in emotions and energy level. 
Harvard University Health Blogger Eva Selhub discusses one connection between food and the brain*, stating that about 9…

Are You Uninspired?

There's a popular mindset that if we are going to be successful, we have to suffer in some way or say "yes" to every task presented, until we're completely overworked, uninspired, and exhausted. It's as if the majority belief is that if you haven't suffered, you don't deserve success. 
Do you know that isn't true?
You are allowed to believe in yourself, follow your dreams, and enjoy what you do. The most important thing is believing you are capable of achieving your dream. 
Being in a job you don't like, but that "pays the bills" is widely accepted- it doesn't challenge the status quo, and to credit all of us who are, or have been there, it takes self discipline and maturity to continue work you don't enjoy so that you can support yourself and/or your family. 
What many are afraid to believe or accept, is that you don't have to say "yes" to everything that presents itself as a safe way to make money or go farther in you…

Self- Fulfilling Prophecies

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy: positive or negative expectations about a situation, event, or person, in which your expectations may affect you or someone else's behavior in a way that causes the expectations to occur.

Example: expecting a person to be unkind based on how they look, you may (consciously or unconsciously) treat them in a way that causes them to act unkind.
Example: a person begins college, all the while telling themselves they aren't "smart enough/ good enough/ meant to" finish college. They may be more likely to drop out of college than those who believe in themselves.  
Sometimes the things we tell ourselves can be so powerful that we really think they're a non negotiable truth. Our thoughts are so powerful that way. We believe there's no way around things so we don't even try.... We believe we aren't capable of
something so we don't even try to  challenge it, or we challenge it / try, all the while telling ourselves we can't, and th…

5 Ways to Get to Your Early Morning Workout

Sometimes, the hardest part of getting your workout in is just getting started or getting to the gym! Here are 5 tips that may make it easier to get going. 
1. Sleep in Your Gym Clothes. When we're tired, the more steps it takes to do something, the less we may want to do it. If you wake up already dressed for the gym, that's one less thing you have to do before heading out the door. 
2. Set your Coffee Pot On a Timer. When it comes to early mornings, it's not that we hate the morning itself, it's the being tired that we despise! If you drink coffee, have your coffee pot timed to start a few minutes before you wake up. If you  have another favorite caffeinated drink, prep it the night before or set a cup/bottle of it next to your bed. 
3.  Make an Appointment to Meet Someone There. This should be someone you wouldn't want to disappoint (best friend, trainer, etc). Even if we aren't in the mood to show up for ourselves, we can be much more likely to show up if it ma…

What Do you See When you Look in the Mirror?

This morning I looked in the rearview mirror as I was driving to work, and for a moment, I saw the timid little girl I used to be, with ears that she hadn't grown into yet and droopy bedroom eyes. 
I saw myself through the eyes of that little girl, always feeling like somehow there was something wrong with me or that I wasn't like everyone else. It was a story I told myself for a long time, that with my crooked teeth and shyness, I must not have been meant to be "normal," and would just have to keep pretending to act like everyone else. 
I remember staring at myself when I was a child, wishing I had eyes like Jasmine from Disney's Aladdin movie, and trying to figure out how to wear my hair to hide my ears. Thinking, if those things could just be different, if my teeth could be straighter, if the popular boy in class could just like me, then I would have everything figured out. 
I can still see my old childhood self studying how other people acted, interacted, and re…